Keeping in Touch

*I'm sure this topic has been beaten to death by anyone whose moved, gone to college or just drifted away from people but i have to address it. Feel free to close the page at any moment thinking that I'm whining because I can't be left alone.


It's one of those nights where you can't sleep and all you do is stare at the ceiling, trying in vain to fall asleep. I don't know how the topic came up, but out of all the thoughts, people, events that came to mind my best friend is the one that stuck out the most. I just started thinking to myself that we're not all that close anymore. I see her twice a week, drive her to work and we part ways after that. It's a depressing feeling to have when you lose touch with someone you only live 10 min away from, and see twice a week. Whenever I get this feeling I realize it eventually gets better but it feels like this period of drifting apart has gone for quite sometime and I can't find an explanation as to why. I want things to get better or at least stop myself from always bringing up this horrid feeling.

All this thinking of drifting apart with people led me to all the people in Austin and College Station. I don't even talk to some of those people as often anymore. I occasionally text them to say "hey" but no real calling and communicating. Is this what its come to now? AIM, Facebook, and texts? It feels so cold communicating through those mediums. A "lol" or "haha" doesn't give you the joy a real laugh or conversation gives you in person. It makes you feel so disconnected with people that when you see them after a few months of just Facebook you don't even know how to fucking converse like normal people anymore. It's just sucks all the color from the memories you've had with that person. You look back on it, and wonder how did this happen, why to us, why when we "stayed in touch" for all this time? I'm sick of feeling like this.

Of course, I'm not saying that I keep in touch with everyone I know because I don't. I do put forth effort to do so though. At times it's like a growing wound to do so because some people don't ever acknowledge you efforts. Everytime you call and they hit ignore, or brush off your attempts just to say "hi" hurts like no other. Especially when you thought you were close to that person. Everytime that happens it feels someone is just trashing all the memories you have with them. They just shove you to that back of their mind and hope they never have to see or hear you again. To anyone thats done that to someone they said they were friends with needs to rethink how they treat people. I don't know how you do it without feeling bad. How does one go about discarding a person? Fuck if I know.

Currently Listening to: Minus The Bear - Lemurs, Man, Lemurs

I thought I would try letting people know what I listening to while I wrote these things. They definetly effect how I think at times, and the style I'm writing with. Eventually I'll put up a link to the songs so you guys can download them without scouring limewire.

Spent

End of November Check List
-UT App and Essays (2 left)
-Philosophy Essay
-English Essay
-Gov Essay
-Gov Extra Cred
-Intro to Drama Essay
-Figure out my Wintermester class+Classes for next semester

I feel so spent, it's so much to do in a months time. I know it needs to be done, but I'm not sure if i have the stamina to do it. On top of the things that need to get done, I've added things that I want to do for myself like lose weight. At this point I wish I had clones of myself to help out with the work load. So much that can't be put off and I admit I did this to myself, but October just dropped off my calendar.

I'm too spent to come up with lyrics right now, but I did come up with a new song.

(Untitled)

I swear to God you're worth a million words
It's like painting a picture with solely verbs
Cause the actions that you do
Are what make me move
Out of my skin, I just slip out

I'm free for this brief moment
I feel as if I own it
Not by some divine right
But by this feeling in the air tonight
Defying gravity, I take flight

We stop and we reflect
Throwing away what we expect
Slowing every passing second
It feels as if we've transcended
I take in a sea of thought

The hands split us in two
And take away what feels so new
I slip back in
I contemplate then
At this stoplight, the chase begins

Moving Ahead Without Forgetting The Past

I've found myself noticing a lot of small things lately. The way people's blinkers blink in unison while waiting to turn at a stop light, the way the Asian people do Tai Chi at ridiculous hours of the morning, and how small things like this can become so significant without trying.

A few days ago I went out for a drive and I noticed part of my watch hanging off. I didn't take much notice to it at first, but it stayed in the back of my mind. I kept going until I got to SMU and then decided I should turn back, but I decided to go through the long way. I started heading towards Plano when I began thinking about buying a new watch. A new watch; it didn't feel right to me and I was confused on why it didn't feel right. I look at it again and I just remember a few days ago someone in my English 1302 class complimented on my watch. This watch has gotten me a lot of compliments, the reason why escapes me, but its always been nice.

It's a strange feeling to want to replace my watch after its been with me for so long. The number of times I've been complimented or noticed for my watch is ridiculous. Amazing how some stainless steel and a leather can make you stand out in a crowd of people with watches. When I look at it, i think it's so simple and plain; why does it get recognized so much? I guess it's the simple beauty of it. Nothing flashy, nothing odd about it. It's strange how a $65 watch can be a work of art in its own respect. Just the simplicity of it makes it that way.

While stopped at a stop light blinking reds, I remember where the watch came from. Rahul, Nasser, and Faraaz gave it to me for my birthday in ninth grade. Four years this watch has been around and I thought about just getting rid of it because part of strap was falling off. How can i replace such a memory in my life with something else? It sounds stupid but in that 30 minute drive from SMU to Park and Ohio, I realized how much this watch means to me. Something so small holds so many good times it's insane. It became more than a chunk of stainless steel and leather strape with the brand Fossil written on it; it became a part of my life because of the things it holds, and its origins.

It's sitting right infront of me and when I look at it, I can't really fathom thinking about replacing it completely. A new watch may be in order but never getting rid of this one is something I plan to do. It's been around too long to be considered insignificant. To me it's like a souvenier from when times weren't so turbulant, and my friends were close by instead of four hours away. It's like a part of my past that never played a key role, but has been document all the key events all through high school. Maybe this next watch will document my college years like this one did high school.