1/4 of my thoughts revolve around the past

I don't know why this is the case, but I seem to be in love with my past memories. Especially since I moved to Texas 7 years ago on this day. It could be the idea that those were simpler times. I guess it could also have to do with the idea that your friends were your friends. You hung out to hang out; nothing more and nothing less. Play football, video games, the occasional game of cricket, and staying up all night just to beat Spyro.

You never called them to talk about the things troubling you because there were no "real" troubles or complications at the time. Your biggest problem was either you not doing your homework and needing to copy it or not being able to find a game for your SNES emulator. It makes me smile to think that we had it so good and then suddenly, after middle school, you're thrown into a world where it all counts.

I don't really know the point of this other than letting anyone who reads this know that I have an unhealthy amount of my brain power dedicated to dwelling on the past. I've probably killed more time thinking about things that happened years ago than I have on my UT application. Nice...

Explosions in the Sky

Lets watch explosions in the sky
From afar they look beautiful
Get up close and you see the hell
That was was from a heart too full

After the sparks descend
And lose all color
I'll rise from the ash
A broken lover

I'll bury what i know
What I'm feeling
I can't make it leave
This is how i go about dealing

I'll let it all blow over
Swept away like smoke in wind
I told myself I wouldn't lose it
But I never said I would win it

My exploding catharsis
Is something I can't let you see
So keep watching these explosions
In the sky here with me

I wish I was one of those sparks
I could put myself out

Currently Listening: Explosions in the Sky - Your Hand In Mine

For No One

I've got my own phantoms
at the bottom
in this sea of thought
but there's one that sits
in the center looking out

she hides her eyes
behind her dark hair
she keeps me guessing
she keeps me floating in air

i dont mind it
whenever she comes around
and when she speaks
it's a haunting and beautiful sound
god i wish i had a way with words

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i wish i had a better way with words
but everything i said is deja entendu
it's nothin new to you

where i started you wouldn't believe
i started empty and dry
but then words bled out of me as my fingers cried

with one click i was back where i started
i ended up not knowing what i was trying to say
i didnt know the message i was trying to convey

was it love, thanks or some off-beat romance
i really cant be too sure
it's not something i can learn

if there was a way to wrap memory in paper
and hand it to you just like that
it would say everything i needed without lack


Currently Listening: Sharks Keep Moving - Pause and Clause EP

Another Year Gone

First off, I need to start this by saying sorry to all the people I was with tonight. Things haven't been going my way right now and I took it out on you guys tonight by being distant/a jerk to everyone I was supposed to be watching. I didn't mean to be like that; things just got the best of me.


So tonight I got home at 4 AM and I couldn't sleep. I laid in my bed, shoes and all, just face down thinking about what I need to do, things that need to change, and parts of my life that just need to be redone. Since I couldn't sleep, I just got up and when walking around my area. It was nice to just take a breather with no one around. I've surrounded myself with people so much lately that I forgot how nice it was to just stop and chill. While I walked though, I thought about this past year. Mostly August through December and what a strange trip these past 6 months have been for me.

Traveling back and forth between Austin, writing papers, being stupid when my friends came home and playing way too much guitar for my own good. It's been strange/hectic for all of us probably; especially those who are nearing the end of school, and those who are transitioning into college life. I wouldn't change much of it though. I like the way things have turned out in a way. Even though everyone is four hours away, it just makes hanging out more fun when I see them. As cliche or psycho this sounds, depending on how you take it, It's the people I communicated with during the year that made it turn out good in the end. Basically I'm trying to say thanks to everyone whose chilled, hung out, talked or whatever with me this past year; especially these past 6 months. It's made the situation I put myself in a bit more bearable. Thanks again to everyone.

My Resolutions For 2009
-Be more of a calm person
-Get into UT
-Stop being a lethargic punk